Bushwick: This weekend, Roberta’s is hosting a delicious Holiday Bazaar, featuring festive fare such as mulled wine, roasted meats, and cheese soup. You can also peruse locally made goodies to take home, like pottery, jewelry, and pickles. The Bazaar will be held on Friday from 5 to 10 p.m., and Saturday from noon to 7 p.m. No tickets necessary. [Grub Street]
Flatiron: On Christmas Eve, Eataly is throwing an “Ultimate Italian Holiday Feast,” a tasting menu prepared by Eataly’s six head chefs that explores all twenty Italian regions. Tickets are $180, and there are only 200 available. You can register here. [Grub Street]
Tomorrow at 7 p.m., you can meet Bobby Flay at the Union Square Barnes & Noble, where he’ll be promoting Bobby Flay’s Bar Americain Cookbook: Celebrate America’s Great Flavors, his latest recipe collection. [Zagat Buzz]

Midtown West: Patsy’s Italian Restaurant was Frank Sinatra’s favorite eatery, and the restaurant celebrates the singer’s birthday every year by offering his favorite dishes. At noon on December 12 (what would have been ‘Ol Blue Eyes’ 96th), you can enjoy Frank’s Veal Milanese, Frank’s Clams Posillipo, and ricotta torte. [Grub Street]
Noho: Tonight, learn the basics of bread-baking from the pros at Le Pain Quotidien. Their classes take place in the Bleecker Street bakery, are comprised of ten people or less, and cost $55. You can register here. [Zagat Buzz]
Citywide: Gothamist has a decisive roundup of the best French fry purveyors in five different categories, from Pommes Frites (”best, period.”) to Bark Hot Dogs (”best with the skin on”) to the Breslin (”best ‘gourmet’ version”). [Gothamist]

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The guy in the Santa costume always has the most fun.

One of the things that makes office holiday parties both wonderful and awful is how often they devolve into total drunken shitshows. Several years ago, after a particularly debauched evening, I had to write an e-mail to a former boss apologizing for “that whole shirtless ABBA thing.” His response: “I don’t remember anything from last night.” This is the conundrum of holiday parties: You need a drink because it softens the awkwardness of mixing work relationships with holiday merriment, but drink too much and you’ll end up in a situation that’s far more awkward in the sobering fluorescent light of Monday morning. Ideally you want to locate yourself right on the boundary of personal embarrassment. I’m here to help you find that line, and retain your dignity.

Obviously, staying sober is one way to avoid morning-after embarrassment, but let’s just work on the theory that this method is bunk. In the same way nobody wants to be the office drunk, nobody wants to be the office prude.

Here, then, is a handy guide to getting just drunk enough at your company’s holiday party:

Know your company and know your role.Illustration: Jen Cotton

The above chart is of course a much-simplified guide to all of the various factors and intricacies that will dictate just how drunk you can comfortably get among your officemates. It’s a good benchmark, but there are several key things to consider beforehand.

Know Your Corporate Environment
The first thing you need to figure out is: How cool is your company? On the surface, this should be an easy one. Cool companies let you show up wearing Chucks, and the office looks like a college dorm room. Uncool companies require that their workers know the intricacies of Microsoft Office. But the truth is that plenty of bosses who are buttoned up by day not only love to party, but love to encourage their co-workers to do the same. By that same token, sandal-wearing start-up CEOs aren’t always as chill about drinking as they are about open-toed footwear.

The real distinction to make is how closely your company allows your Work Identity (W.I.) to acknowledge your Party Identity (P.I.). Does a professional demeanor at your office come at the expense of hiding who you are when you’re not at work? Or are shenanigans accepted as long as you get your work done (or even if you don’t)? The more comfortable you feel talking about your P.I. while at work, the cooler your company is.

If you’re unsure, consult this handy checklist:

Some signs you probably work for a cool company:
• You have been hung-over at work and acknowledged it to your immediate supervisor, only to have her/him respond with empathy.
• There is a pool table at the office.
• You have been skydiving/surfing/to a shooting range with at least some of your co-workers.
• Unique facial hair choices are not discouraged.
• Your holiday party is held at a loft, and people who don’t work for your company try to crash it.
• You often see beer in the office fridge and/or cocaine in the office bathroom, or vice versa.

Some signs you probably don’t work for a cool company:
• You had to take a drug test before you were hired.
• The company has a dress code, which is written down.
• The dress code is so antiquated that it still contains a “casual Friday” section.
• The holiday party is held in the office conference room, in the afternoon, and people try to leave early to beat traffic.
• Your co-workers label their cartons of milk in the office fridge.
• Not one single person has a Mad Men-style minibar in his or her office.

Obviously, the cooler the company is, the more likely it is that one of your co-workers will end up wearing his tie like a headband at some point during the party, meaning it won’t look so bad when you get up on the bar and start signing “Dancing Queen” alongside him.

How Much Embarrassment Can Your Career Handle?
Once you establish what kind of company you work for, it’s time to take a look at yourself. What you specifically want to know is, How much do you care about potentially making a fool of yourself in front of co-workers? Again, you’ll want to examine a variety of different factors: Your skill level at work, any lingering personal eccentricity, your desires for career advancement, and, most important, your role at the company.

Of course, every situation is different, but here at Sloshed HQ, we’ve come up with some handy guidelines that should serve as good jumping-off points for most people.

Intern
If you even got invited to the company holiday party, good job. Your goal now is to not look like a n00b while you’re there.
Cool company: How old are you, anyway? Grab a drink or two if you’re legal. (Add one additional drink for every time a company employee asks you if you’ve got any weed.)
Uncool company: You get no drinks, unless an employee foists them on you. And even then, keep it classy.

Entry-Level
Tread lightly: You probably actually do still go out and get wasted with some regularity, so it won’t feel too strange throwing back a lot of (probably free) drinks. And yet, this is a good time to rein it in. We know that open bar is tempting.
Cool company: Stay two drinks behind whoever your boss is.
Uncool company: Ibid.

Plateaued Cog in the Machine
If you self-identify as a P.C.i.t.M. — i.e., you have come to terms with the fact that being an acquisitions editor sucks just as much as any other desk job, and you also don’t care about moving up the ladder because it sucks just as bad up there — it’s time to drown your sorrows. Because fuck it, right?
Cool company: However many it takes to get you where you need to be. The goal is to be a fun drunk, so your soon-to-be-ex-co-workers will at least have an epic story to tell about you after the fact.
Uncool company: Let’s say six or seven drinks? Just don’t throw up on anyone you might want a recommendation from in the future.

Middle Management
People report to you, you report to people. That is your whole job. That means you can’t look like an asshole to anyone.
Cool company: Your goal is to buck the “middle management” stereotype. Have two cocktails, then chase them with a beer.
Uncool company: Your goal is to reinforce the “middle management” stereotype. Stay away from the spirits and stick to a glass or two of wine. (Red or white — your choice.) You want to stay clear-headed if you’re going to get that big promotion, after all.

Skilled Labor
You have some special skill that the suits can’t easily replace, which makes you indispensable to a certain degree. Use this to your advantage (but remember there are other people who know how to program iPad apps, or whatever it is you do).
Cool company: Four drinks, all cocktails, each one something different.
Uncool company: Almost the same as above, but because your skills are probably making more money for the uncool company, add a fifth drink.

Senior Management
You’re basically responsible for keeping the company running (even if the boss steals all of your ideas as his own).
Cool company: Have a couple drinks to show the underlings that you’re not a total square.
Uncool company: It’s going to fall on you to keep yourself, and your boss, in check. Order one drink at the party, but make it last the whole night. Have a nice single malt or two when you get home.

The Boss
You set the tone — just remember you have to keep the shareholders happy and maintain some semblance of authority in the minds of your employees.
Cool company: Your company may be cool, but you’re not a rock star just yet; cool companies become decidedly less so when their boss is a public drunk. Stick to three cocktails.
Uncool company: This is when working at an uncool company allows you to drink as much as you want, since you are, no doubt, a major power player. Do whatever you want, but don’t let it turn into a scandal.

Some Important Exceptions
As I said, the above are starting points, but are not necessarily where your final drink tally will end up. Below are some situations that will have you adjusting your intake accordingly.

• Your immediate boss is drunk enough to be slurring his or her speech. +1 drink
• There is no real food at the party. -2 drinks
• You have a meeting the next morning before 10 a.m. -1 drink
• There are shareholders at the party. -1 drink for each one you’ll have to meet
• You have a crush on someone at the office, and either they, or you, is married. Have zero drinks — trust me
• You have a crush on someone at the office and you are both single. +1 drink, and make sure you don’t have anything in your teeth
• Wrestling of any kind breaks out among co-workers. +3 drinks
• That intern actually does have some pretty good weed. +1 joint

In the end, what you really want to do is let yourself have a good time, while keeping in mind that things can get out of hand much more easily than you might think. But if they do, it’s not like ripping off your shirt and singing ABBA to your boss is the end of the world, right? Right?

Matthew Latkiewicz writes about drinking and other subjects at You Will Not Believe. His work has appeared in McSweeney’s, Wired, Time.com, Boing Boing, and Gastronomica. Follow him on Twitter.

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Filed Under: sloshed, career advice, holidays

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It’s 4 p.m., and that means it’s time to play Two for Eight. We just asked ten restaurants the best time they can squeeze a couple in for dinner; you need only make your chosen reservation. (As always, we make the calls but don’t guarantee the results.) Today: TV Chefs.

Babbo (Menu)
212-777-0303
Two for eight? No
Best available:11 p.m.

Craft (Menu)
212-780-0880
Two for eight? No
Best available: 5:30 p.m. or 9:30 p.m.

Daniel (Menu)
212-288-0033
Two for eight? No
Best available: 5:30 p.m. or 10:15 p.m.

Felidia (Menu)
212-758-1479
Two for eight? No
Best available: 8:30 p.m.

Jean Georges (Menu)
212-299-3900
Two for eight? No
Best available: 6:30 p.m. or 9:30 p.m.

Kin Shop (Menu)
212-675-4295
Two for eight? No
Best available: 8:15 p.m.

Le Bernardin (Menu)
212-554-1515
Two for eight? No
Best available: 5:30 p.m. or 10:15 p.m.

Mesa Grill (Menu)
212-807-7400
Two for eight? Yes

Morimoto (Menu)
212-989-8883
Two for eight? No
Best available: 7:45 p.m. or 8:30 p.m.

Red Rooster (Menu)
212-792-9001
Two for eight? No answer

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This purchase provides nutritious school meals to two Kenyan children for an entire year.

Lauren Bush, co-founder of FEED Projects and lover of boxed mac and cheese who now goes by Lauren Bush Lauren, has launched a “12 DAYS, 12 WAYS to FEED” program for those of us who have already started, um, hysterically shopping. On the site, the FEED team has suggested bags and accessories, each printed with the number of people you will be helping and how. In case you don’t know by now, for each FEED purchase, a large donation is made to various hunger causes — from teddy bears that provide nutrients to severely malnourished children to a Judith Leiber clutch that gives 1,000 school meals for children living in the poorest countries around the world. And on a very superficial note (sorry), the bags are seriously chic. [FEED]

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Puddin’ on the moves.

The restaurant-devoted-to-one-thing concept is nothing new in this city. We’ve got all cupcake, all macaroni and cheese, all tiramisu, and countless more. But what we didn’t have was a spot selling pudding, and only pudding*. Enter Puddin NYC, opening in the East Village next week. They’ve got the classics like vanilla (made with Madagascar beans) and chocolate (with 70 percent chocolate all the way from Iceland), but they’ve also got banana, coconut, and a variety of parfait combinations. The shop also features nineteen different toppings, ranging from homemade sprinkles to red velvet cake. You can check out the full menu here for now, and in person when the shop opens next week. No word yet on how Bill Cosby feels about this. [Urban Daddy]

Puddin NYC, 102 St. Marks Pl., nr. First Ave.; 216-513-5074

*Rice to Riches, as it sells only rice pudding, does not count.

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Filed Under: openings, east village, puddin nyc, pudding

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Yes, we still prefer the verses from Busta Rhymes and Lil Wayne in the original song, but can those two rap about kicking Chris Brown in the head while simultaneously cooking pancakes? We have our doubts.

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A quick look before Ryan Skeen quits!

Grub got a sneak peek at Pera Soho, the future home of kitchen-commitment-phobe Ryan Skeen and newest endeavor of the Turkish-ish Pera mini-dynasty. Perched on the corner of Thompson and Broome, a vodka shot from Lani Kai and the Thompson Hotel, the restaurant appears nearly done.

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Filed Under: countdown, pera soho, ryank skeen

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I decided to combine these two locations to create a destination for adventurous eaters heading to the Bronx in…

Marco’s Salumeria Leone

788 Morris Park Ave, Bronx

(718) 863-9580

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I decided to combine these two locations to create a destination for adventurous eaters heading to the Bronx in…

Conti’s Pastry Shoppe

786 Morris Park Ave, Bronx

(718) 239-9339

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Come hungry, Mister President.

One street that might have some total effing madness traffic today is East 12th, where Gotham Bar and Grill — the host of a lavish Obama dinner — is situated. Chef Alfred Portale tells Grub Street that he’s expecting 45 guests, including Caroline Kennedy, the Seinfelds, Susan Sarandon, and, obviously, the president. The menu? A roasted beet salad with fennel, mango, and goat cheese to be followed by a 28-day dry-aged steak, and a dessert of Honeycrisp-apple strudel, chocolate-pecan pie, and cinnamon ice cream. No one wants to know the calories, but the price is $35,800 a head.

Obama’s Complete Menu [PDF]

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Filed Under: culinary campaign, gotham bar and grill, obama

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It’s dinnnnnertime, kids!

Fans of Mario Carbone and Rich Torrisi have yet another reason to high-five. Carbone has confirmed to Grub Street that Parm opens for dinner tonight, and Fork in the Road has all the details. Wednesday’s “nightly special”? Aged chopped steak. [Fork in the Road/VV]

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Filed Under: mulberry street, carbone, parm, torrisi

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Cheaper than an iPad … or is it?

You could say it’s like comparing apples to oranges, but really, in analyzing the lease details of Grand Central Terminal, we’re comparing Apple to Shake Shack. And by the sound of today’s story in the Post, the MTA gave Danny Meyer the shaft. The facts: “Apple’s $60-a-square-foot lease is well below what many other tenants are paying — including a future Shake Shack burger joint that will be shelling out more than $200 a square foot.” Also, Apple shares “zip, nada, zilch” of its revenues, while Shake Shack has agreed to pay the MTA 8 percent (above a threshold). No doubt Danny Meyer knows what he’s doing, but still, his lease loses. [NYP]

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Filed Under: grand central, danny meyer, shake shack

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