Puddin’ on the moves.

The restaurant-devoted-to-one-thing concept is nothing new in this city. We’ve got all cupcake, all macaroni and cheese, all tiramisu, and countless more. But what we didn’t have was a spot selling pudding, and only pudding*. Enter Puddin NYC, opening in the East Village next week. They’ve got the classics like vanilla (made with Madagascar beans) and chocolate (with 70 percent chocolate all the way from Iceland), but they’ve also got banana, coconut, and a variety of parfait combinations. The shop also features nineteen different toppings, ranging from homemade sprinkles to red velvet cake. You can check out the full menu here for now, and in person when the shop opens next week. No word yet on how Bill Cosby feels about this. [Urban Daddy]

Puddin NYC, 102 St. Marks Pl., nr. First Ave.; 216-513-5074

*Rice to Riches, as it sells only rice pudding, does not count.

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No beans allowed!

No, there was not a new episode of Top Chef last night. Instead, we’re recapping last week’s episode today, since the show aired the night before Thanksgiving, and we like days off as much as everyone else. So: “Either have something really good to put on the plate, or shut up” remarked one of the cheftestants to kick off an episode that no one watched live because they were prepping for Thanksgiving by drinking with their high-school buddies. (Did you have a good feast, by the way?) Rather than the usual Thanksgiving-themed Quickfire that occurs this time of year, Padma presented the chefs with chile peppers that ranged from mild to, oh, the hottest pepper in the world — and instructed them to create a dish highlighting one pepper, with the hotter peppers giving the chefs a chance to win more money should they emerge victorious in this Quickfire. This seems like a generally great premise for Quickfires from now on — the chance for better prizes if you challenge yourself more. Let’s hope they return to this idea, since it spices up (heyo!) what is already proving to be a seemingly endless season (how are there still fifteen chefs left?!).

Beverly picked one of the most mild peppers, explaining that she chose it to make the best-tasting dish, and not for the money. Which is all well and good, except the point of the Quickfires is to win money. She also didn’t cook her chile at all, despite the very important lessons last week (see: shrimp, tortillas) that you must cook things to win on this show. Unsurprisingly, her chile crudite ended up in the bottom, along with Little Richie’s Fresno slaw with seared scallops and “spicy guy” Chuy’s sautéed scallop in achiote. The win went to Paul, who was brave enough to use the ghost chile, thus winning $20,000.

The elimination challenge had chefs do a different type of chili cook-off, focusing on the stew as opposed to the peppers. Apron colors separated the chefs into five teams of three, and everyone immediately started complaining. Nyesha didn’t want to be teamed up with Beverly and Little Richie, while Cute Chris didn’t want to be on the same team as Sarah after she was so mean to Black Hagrid, even though (as she reminded us 85 times throughout the episode) her dad was a bull rider and she is from Texas. Because every challenge must have a twist, the chefs were given all night to cook, and they had to cook in their fancy house. Fire up the fireplaces! (Seriously, they did.)

Creeper Chris wasn’t too happy about cooking outside, because it was hot out. It’s hot in Texas? No kidding! Some cheftestant named Whitney talked a lot during the prep period. Do you remember seeing her before? Because we most definitely did not. Has she been there the whole time? Or was she cleverly planted by the producers to ensure that this season does, in fact, never end? While we were busy being surprised by Whitney’s mere existence, tattooed Dakota was very surprised when Tom showed up at the house. Apparently she has never seen an episode of this show before. Tom’s looking very tan, no? Makes sense: We hear it’s hot in Texas.

Everyone started complaining about being tired and acting delirious around 11 p.m., which seemed a little odd, as chefs’ days are typically over later than that. Naturally, this meant we got a complementary scene in the morning of everyone being soooo tired, with Sarah proving she is the most not-a-morning-person at all. However, the lack of sleep meant a lot of people were a little funnier than usual in the morning. Ty-Lor Boring started threatening sad-faced Lindsay to smile more, while Chuy started doing a great Texas accent and Gail spoke of having a “weird bagel accident.”

This was another the-people-pick-the-winner challenge, but that didn’t stop the judges from talking extensively about their least favorites. Tom was especially not pleased with the black team’s (Beverly, Nyesha, and Little Richie) chili mole with cornbread and the red team’s (Creeper Chris, who-the-hell-are-you Whitney, and Dakota) braised brisket and short rib chili, while other judges thought the white team’s (Lindsay, Ty-lor Boring, and Greyson) three bean and beef chili had no heat.

In the meantime, all the chefs got to go to the rodeo and have a great time — well, all except Beverly, who spent the rodeo crying that her husband wasn’t there with her. “You can’t let your emotions show with the rest of the group because then they’ll perceive you as weak,” said Nyesha, because she seems to have confused Top Chef with The Hunger Games.

Cute Chris didn’t notice the crying, because he was too busy watching Padma ride around on a horse, reminding him of Fabio on the cover of a romance novel. How many of those has he read, exactly? Chris loved her even more when she announced that his team (with Sarah and Chuy) had won the cook-off with their chili con carne. She then proclaimed the black team as the losing team, but gave Nyesha, Beverly, and Little Richie 30 minutes to each transform their chili into something good for a chance to stay. This, plus a judges’ table of mostly joking about being assholes, was also a huge improvement over fifteen minutes of bottom chefs throwing each other under the bus and yelling. Beverly’s seared tuna with habanero creamed corn kept her safe through her tears, but Little Richie’s Frito-crusted pork tenderloin with ricotta and chile puree was bland enough to get him sent home. He and Creeper Chris had a very sad and tender good-bye, ruined by Richie telling Chris to go be the Jedi that he is.

Next week: Moving on to Dallas! Cops! Cooking in a field! Someone pulls their back! It smells like money!

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Tom doesn’t like having his face photographed next to this much pink.

As we’re reintroduced to the actual sixteen Top Chef contestants, after having taken two entire episodes just to get there, we see Beverly putting up an inspirational sign for herself: You see, if she believes she’s already won the competition, then she will eventually win it. We’re going to hang a sign up in our office that says, “This season will get going eventually,” because maybe if we believe that, the editors at Magical Elves will make it so.

The chefs were greeted at their first Quickfire by a tank of snakes and Padma wearing a bandana, because you probably weren’t aware that they’re in Texas. Naturally, the cheftestants have to create a dish using rattlesnake for guest judge Johnny Hernandez, who explained that rattlesnake is traditional in Texas cuisine. We’ve eaten quite a few meals in Houston and never seen rattlesnake, so this was news to us. Not that it matters, because it was clear that the only purpose to this challenge was to allow Padma to say, “I better see some motherfucking snakes on some motherfucking plates.”

Everyone was grossed out except Chuy, who mentioned yet again that he grew up slaughtering animals, so he’s cool with everything. Dakota was the most freaked out by the snakes, but won despite her fear for her beer-battered tempura rattlesnake. We’d also like to give an honorary win to creeper Chris for making a Dazed and Confused joke.

Knife-drawing separated the chefs into Green Team and Pink Team for the elimination challenge: Cook elegant Mexican cuisine, and a great cake, for more than 100 guests at the lovely Blanca Flores’s quinceañera. Chuy was very excited for the challenge, as he is the season’s “resident Mexican” and also knows how to slaughter a goat. What are the odds that he brings up animal slaughter every week? We’ll put them at even. The first shopping trip was the usual yelling mishmash, but with an extra side of hypocrisy from the pink team: When sad-faced Lindsey found out Black Hagrid bought precooked shrimp for a mystery dish, she made a speech about how baffled she was that someone thought buying something precooked was okay … and then proceeded to buy store-bought tortillas, an equally egregious offense in our book. She and Sarah then decided to team up on Black Hagrid, making him feel very alone.

The green team sailed during their prep period, with Chuy falling into the leadership role for this challenge pretty naturally. Their dishes, even their leaning tower of flowery cake, impressed the judges and Blanca more, and they got the win. (It should be said that the real win goes to Blanca, who was a perfect hostess at 15, checking in on all her guests repeatedly. Go enjoy your party, girl!)

The entire pink team did not get called in to judges’ table; only Ty-Lor Boring (fire-roasted summer fritter with avocado mousse), Black Hagrid (chicken enchiladas), and Sarah and Lindsey (chochinita pibil). “This is my first judges’ table,” Sarah informed us, which was weird, because the season just started, so, like, yeah. She quickly threw Hagrid under the bus about buying the precooked shrimp, but Hagrid fought back pretty well, pointing out that there were others that let him do that. He also gained some defense when the judges realized that Sarah and Lindsey never told him that enchiladas should be made with corn tortillas, not flour. Unfortunately, Hugh’s concern about Hagrid’s shopping skills (and he was quite concerned — he makes the most exaggerated facial expressions, is it the eyebrow?) was too great, and our gentle giant was the first to go home. We veto this. Look at those pants! We’re pretty sure our mom has those as pajama pants! How can you send those pants home, Umbridge Padma?

Next week: a chili cook-off! A rodeo! No sleeping! An A League of Their Own reference! And … what’s this? There’s a chance to get Black Hagrid back? Go online and vote or whatever it is you have to do to get him back, loyal commentarati!

But of course, next week is also Thanksgiving, which means we’ll have the recap up the following Monday, after everyone has had a chance to finish their turkey.

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There will be a LOT more of this.

Last night’s Top Chef immediately kicked off in The Bubble, as a friendly reminder that the competition hasn’t even really started yet. Group Three then entered the kitchen and forced us to come up with even weirder tricks than last week to remember who everyone was. (Highlights from our notes: “Chaz has a crush on Padma and we have to DEAL WITH IT”; “Beverly has a really cute fat baby”; “Bernice … makes me think of ‘Crazy Old Maurice’ since Beauty and the Beast was on last weekend.”) The producers were kind enough to make up for this cluster…fudge of people by actually giving us another decent twist: Only after the chefs fought over normal ingredients did they find out that they’d only have 20, 40, or 60 minutes to cook what they chose.

Less-jolly-looking Yukon Cornelius was very concerned about only having twenty minutes to cook mushrooms, while Redhead Ashley decided to use her full hour to try cooking her oxtail in a pressure cooker, despite not being familiar with the technique. Has there ever been a time on this show when trying out something new in the heat of the moment has worked? You should probably save that for the Quickfires, kids. Meanwhile, Padma-lover Chaz made some weird comment about how this situation was like being a Navy Seal versus being a G.I. Joe, because that is an excellent metaphor for cooking. Tom Colicchio doppelgänger Laurent also taught us a really interesting lesson this episode: If you grow up in France, you can become a cook, a priest, or an army guy. That’s it, guys — just un, deux, trois jobs in France. No wonder they’re always striking.

Because being in the last group is the worst, only three chefs got a coat: From-Austin Paul (he made trout), Sad-faced Lindsay (veal over polenta), and Cute-baby-haver Beverly (Korean-style octopus). Yukon Andrew and Laurent got the joy of going to the Bubble, while all the chefs at the house discussed how terrible it would be to have to cook again. We’d hate to be the ones to break it to them how Top Chef works.

Over in the Bubble, which finally got dealt with and did not get drawn out to a third episode, the six chefs were allowed to use any ingredients to make a dish that proved why they should stay. Janine did math for some reason and informed us that this meant everyone had a 33 percent chance of staying, while Cruiseship-chef Molly complained that this challenge was too hard. This challenge where the chefs were allowed to cook to their strengths.

This segment of the show gave us some other interesting insights into the cheftestants. Grayson Schmitz (whom we want to either call Schmitzel or Schmutz, please advise in the comments), for example, shared that when she was 15 years old all she wanted to do was drink, while Edward wanted to prove that you don’t need to be in New York to cook good food, an odd sentiment considering this season features hardly any NYC chefs and about 87 from Chicago. He then sliced his hand open and filled some rubber gloves with blood, which was a delight to see.

The Bubble dishes were almost entirely seafood with the exception of Ed: stuffed prawns with soy-glazed watermelon from cruise chef Molly, seared scallops with watermelon from Janine, bacon-wrapped shrimp with figs from Schmitzel, scallops two ways from Laurent, mussels from Yukon Andrew, and duck with barbecue sauce (or is that blood?) from Ed. The judges dragged this judges’ table out for fifteen minutes, as they are wont to do. This was incredibly boring at this stage in the competition where we only know people’s names because they flash them on the screen every time. We know this is the “biggest season ever” because Texas, but this was a pretty boring way to kick things off. Anyway, Ed and Schmutz got coats (and Ed got a fixed hand), as well as warm greetings by Black Hagrid when they arrived at the house, because he is Hagrid.

This season: The chefs go all over Texas (three cities)! Padma makes a Snakes on a Plane joke! More people bleed all over the place! People cry in cowboy hats! We get reminded that this is the biggest season ever approximately 200 more times! There will also be online episodes where chefs that got kicked off get to come back, because apparently biggest season ever means even more episodes!

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Tom is still the man.

Howdy and welcome to Top Chef Texas! Padma kicked off season nine by taking literally not even one second to make a Texas joke: “Get ready for our biggest season ever.” Because everything is so big in Texas! Get it? If this first second is foreshadowing, we think we can expect more puns and jokes than we’ve ever seen before. And cowboys!

Speaking of jokes, season nine also started off with 29 chefs (also the New York logo and a screen shot of Grub Street. We’re famous!). Some of the cheftestants haven’t even been alive 29 years! Because you probably can’t remember who everyone was, and because we couldn’t either, we’ve given most chefs a nifty nickname to help you keep track until Tom, Gail, Padma, and new judges Emeril and Hugh Acheson whittle this pool down to sixteen. To help with the whittling, the ginormous cast of characters got broken up into three groups, with each group getting a different challenge.

Group one was pretty excited to see Emeril. Chris, who has a pink backpack and looks like a creeper, was “like Bam!” Does Emeril still do that? Emeril himself said he was excited to be there in the least excited voice ever, so maybe he actually wasn’t. He and Tom explained that each chef would get one of ten cuts of pig and one hour to cook with it. They also announced that they would be judging on butchering and cooking techniques, a first that we were completely down with.

Creeper Chris turned out to be a kindly creeper, as he helped vegan-chef-for-ten-years Colin out with butchering his pig. Not so kind was Tyler, who at 22 and on the show just ten minutes repeated many, many times that he’s a personal chef for famous people and wrote a cookbook in just three and a half weeks. He probably should have spent that time learning how to butcher meat, as he attacked his pork chops with what appeared to be a hacksaw. “I don’t usually butcher big pieces like this,” he explained to Tom, who replied, “What do you butcher, then?” It turned out Tom has no patience for bad butchering, and he sent Tyler home before he could even get cooking.

Can we have more of badass Tom, please?

“This is a serious competition for serious chefs,” said someone, in case you got confused by the hacksaw and thought this was Kitchen Nightmares. This meant no spills were allowed either, so Vegan Colin also got sent home before chefs tasted his food, which included spilled soup. A bunch more chefs got sent home because of their actual cooking, while Sarah (pig skin ravioli), Kindly Creeper Chris (caramel apple pig thing), Nyesha (Tex-Mex pork ravioli), Little Richie (onion soup with pig ears), and Heather (maple and citrus baby-back ribs) got official spots in the top sixteen. Cruise Ship Chef Molly and From New York Grayson got sent to “the bubble,” a room filled with wine and Shiner Bock (they’re in Texas, did you know that?), where they had to wait to cook yet again.

Group two was introduced even faster than group one, so quickly that our notes say things like “lots of Chicago,” “Black Hagrid from North Carolina is James Beard nom,” and “Dakota is from L.A. and oh my God the tattoos.” Group two received a different challenge: choose just one ingredient from a table of the judges’ favorite ingredients, and everyone must make a different dish with that ingredient. Little Nina wanted sweetbreads and Hagrid wanted seafood, but everyone agreed on rabbit, probably because it was the tamest ingredient in the bunch. “Rabbit orgies are awesome,” remarked Dakota Tattoos, so maybe there were other reasons, too. Chuy, also 22 and looking like a child, explained in an eerily happy way that his family used to eat their pet rabbits for dinner. Chris Gary decided to name-drop all the past popular Top Chefs whom he cooks like, which would have been more annoying if we hadn’t been distracted by his rugged good looks, something we expect he’ll use to his full advantage with the judges. Ty-Lör Boring started talking about cooking his rabbit Thai-style, but we got distracted once again, this time by his name. Has there ever been a cheftestant with a better name? Can he win just so we can see the name Ty-Lör Boring plastered everywhere?

Lucky for us, Ty-Lör Boring (we’re only ever going to call him by his full name) went through to the top sixteen, along with Keith/Hagrid (rabbit three ways), Whitney (rabbit sugo), Pet-Eating Chuy (adobo-marinated rabbit loin), Cutie Chris Who Is Right Near Our Age (duo of rabbit), and Dakota Tattoos (rabbit crepinettes). Edward and “this is like being in a wax museum” Janine went off to the bubble. Because this is Top Chef Texas and everything is BIGGER, this was a two-parter, so no group three, the Bubble, or Hugh Acheson until next week. Who do you think will lasso the final spots?

Next week: Group three doesn’t know that there are only five spots left! There are finally more Southern chefs in the mix! The Bubble! Someone cooks while his hand gushes blood! We continue to hope for an armadillo challenge!

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Filed Under: overnights, seriously we want to see armadillos, texas, tom colicchio, top chef, top chef texas, tv

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Masking his true feelings.

If there’s one thing New York is not short on, it’s sandwiches. From the bodega across the street to the fancy sandwiches peppering the boroughs, it seems like we have it all. However, one can never have too many sandwiches, so a couple of national chains have moved on in to join the city’s sandwich scene. Earl of Sandwich and Potbelly’s both arrived in New York this summer and have already started expanding. It’s easy to see why they’re doing well. But are they any good? We decided we needed to grab a man who knew his way around a sandwich and have him decide. Enter No. 7 Sub’s Tyler Kord, the man who has even managed to elevate humble bologna into a special meal between bread. We set out with Tyler, and an open mind, to see if the featured sandwiches at these chains are worthy of your lunchtime dollars.

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Season 8’s only good Quickfire.

If we could make one complaint about Top Chef (we know, just one), it would be that recent Quickfires have jumped the shark. For example, how can you bring Paula Deen on as a guest judge and not have the contestants make a butter-based dish? We can only remember one Quickfire that we liked from season eight, and that’s only because Muppets were involved.

It seems we’re not the only ones complaining, because Tom, Padma, and Gail have put out a call for you — yes, you — to come up with a Quickfire for season nine, filming in a top-secret location Texas. Tweet your ideas at @bravotopchef now (apparently they’re doing this while they film) with the hashtag #TCQuickfire. If they pick your idea, we will brag about you all over our recap of that episode. And if you’re stuck for ideas, here are a few to get you started:

• Make a Lunchable.
• Make a haute doughnut that doesn’t use foie gras.
• Armadillo meat for everyone!
• Figure out how we can make cookies in this Texas humidity without turning the oven on.
• Make a whole-animal feast in 45 minutes.

Your turn. Good luck!

Tom and Padma Need Your Tweets! [BravoTV: The Dish]

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Because we are such dedicated journalists who selflessly strive to bring you every bit of New York food news we can get our hands on, we stood in line for 45 minutes today to try the ice cream sandwiches from the city’s latest food truck, Coolhaus NY. The L.A. export is handing out Firefox-themed treats for free all weekend. Is the wait worth it? For the cookies, yes — the chocolate chip ones are fabulously buttery, with lots of salt to balance out the sweetness. As for the ice cream, our vanilla scoop, despite copious flecks of bean, just couldn’t stand up to the cookie, and its flavor was lost to the butter. But whatever! They’re free all weekend, so we highly encourage you to try the other flavors (Earl Gray ice cream on brioche cookies, Nutella ice cream on oatmeal cookies, and blood orange sorbet on chocolate cookies), and report back. They’ll be at Bryant Park tomorrow, Union Square on Sunday, and Madison Square Park on Monday, from 12–4 p.m. each day. Follow them on Twitter for updates.

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Let’s do this thing.

Last night’s Top Chef finale continued the grand tradition of Top Chef finales and got right into the final challenge, though this one was a bit bigger than usual. Padma and Tom asked Richard and Mike to give them a glimpse into their futures and to create their dream restaurants, while promising no twists. So as we predicted last week, a very high-stakes version of Restaurant Wars, though this version was a lot more successful than the usual mid-season challenge.

Of course, when Padma says no twists, that just means the twist comes up pretty quickly, as Top Chef simply does not know how to function without twists. All the chefs of this season were back, including the ones who went home early and whom we didn’t even remember, and they had to make an amuse bouche for Richard and Mike, at which point our finalists would pick their sous-chefs. Naturally, our finalists didn’t get to see the cooking and had to choose their sous-chefs blindly, based on taste alone. But you know, no twists. Mike and Richard tried their hardest to figure out which dishes belonged to Asian Dale, Angelo, and Jen, because duh, while Mike tried to avoid Marcel at all costs. Richard ended up with Spike, Antonia, and Angelo; Mike got Tiffani, Carla (who won the fan-favorite award, hooty-hoo!), and Jamie, who made his face fall like Christmas was canceled. Hope everyone else had fun Jet Skiing!

During prep, the chefs looked to be in pretty good shape, with both leading their teams fairly well. Richard, despite the comfort of liquid nitrogen, worried about his proteins and dessert, while Mike insisted that he was calm because all of the pressure was on Richard. Actually, Mike, half the pressure was on you, but okay sure. Richard rightly pointed out that Mike’s strength and weakness are the same: confidence and swagger. Also, snarky jerk faces. But to be fair, he did seem to really pull out the leadership skills with almost no dickishness, unlike he has throughout his two seasons. (Side note: Did anyone else notice how they cut Gail off in her promo for the after-show? Think she gave the winner away?)

This being a bigger finale challenge than usual, we had two groups of judges last night: Group one consisted of Lidia Bastianich, Hubert Keller, Alfred Portale, and Bill Terlato, dining with Padma. Group two was made up of Art Smith and Curtis Stone dining with Tom and Gail. Group one started off at Richard’s restaurant, Tongue & Cheek, while group two kicked their night off at Mike’s restaurant, Iz.

Both groups of judges preferred the first half of Richard’s meal: a refreshing and creamy amuse bouche of raw oysters with crème fraîche pearls; a harmonious first course of raw hamachi with fried veal sweetbread, garlic mayo, and pickled celery; and a second course of pork belly with black-cod cutlet, bone marrow, beets, Brussels sprouts, and kumquat. While they loved his beef short rib, they didn’t think it was very creative, and his foie gras ice cream dessert fell flat for the first group of judges.

The favorites were switched over in Mike’s meal, where the judges didn’t totally love the mozzarella in his first course of mozzarella, truffle, and chocolate vinaigrette; and didn’t like the long wait between that and his second course of halibut with kumquat marmalade, cauliflower puree, and pancetta crumbs. However, they absolutely loved his braised pork shoulder with roasted cabbage, turnips, and a pepperoni sauce that Gail just could not get over, and preferred his dessert of a rosemary-caramel custard and pine nuts with citrus, celery, and apple.

Judges’ table appeared mostly nitpicky, which should be the case considering these are supposed to be the best two chefs. Mike and Richard emerged from the stew room to cheers from their families and all the other chefs and Jen’s crazy hair. Despite the judges seeming to be split down the middle, it was fairly clear through the discussions that everyone liked Richard’s meal more, and they declared him the winner. Yay! Mike tried to ruin the moment by saying that he still thought he beat Richard, but he couldn’t conquer everyone’s incredible happiness for Richard, including that of his very sweet and surprised uncle. Anyway, kudos for a much-deserved win and a pretty good season overall.

Next week: There is no next week! Well, there’s a reunion, if you’re into that sort of thing. Thanks for sticking with me through all these episodes in this longer-than-usual season (including Gail, who apparently reads these — Hi, Gail!). Grub Street will be recapping Top Chef Masters, but I’ll see you again when regular Top Chef is back! Hooty-hoo to all, and to all a good night.

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I pray to you, stove gods, that I beat Mike.

Were you expecting the Top Chef finale last night? Guess again! Only two people are going to the final episode, so it was Quickfire time! Wolfgang Puck greeted the chefs in the kitchen, and As for Padma, let’s say: Padma pointed out seven Quickfires from previous seasons, and then explained that the chefs would be assigning them to one another. See, this is more like what we thought All-Stars would be about! Glad we’re just getting into this now.

Mike gave Antonia canned foods, Antonia gave Richard hot dogs, and Richard gave Mike cooking in one pot. This being Top Chef, Padma stopped in in the middle of cooking to deliver a twist, and this being Top Chef, the twist had a twist. She had the chefs assign three classic twists to one another in reverse order. Richard gave Mike no more utensils, Antonia forced Richard to cook with one hand, and Antonia was tied into an apron with, yay, Carla. What, no one has to swap dishes with anyone else? As Mike cooked most of his dish in a pressure cooker, he had lots of time to walk around laughing like a fool. Unfortunately, laughing like a fool while cooking pork shoulder with black beans, chili paste, and a salad will get you the win and $5,000. Ugh … we mean, congrats! (Nope.)

The chefs then headed out to meet Padma and some special guests, whom Richard speculated could be aliens but were actually the aforementioned Wolfgang Puck, Michelle Bernstein, and Morimoto. Everyone got to make someone’s last supper (oddly, the title of this episode was not “Seeing How Many Past Challenges We Can Reuse in One Episode”). Mike got to pick, and gave himself Michelle, Morimoto to Antonia, and Wolfgang to Richard. Way to stick it to your family, Mike. Oh, and there was a secret envelope to be opened later with … wait for it … yet another twist.

All the guest chefs wanted a dish that reminded them of childhood: miso soup, rice, and sashimi for Morimoto; apple strudel, goulash, and spaetzle for Wolfgang; and fried chicken with biscuits and gravy for Michelle. Mike tried to claim that he picked Michelle because he knew she’d be the hardest, a lie so blatant even our grandmother who doesn’t have cable could smell it a mile away — and one that obviously didn’t fool the other cheftestants or Tom.

The guests arrived while Richard struggled to open his pressure cooker and Antonia discovered that the hamachi they provided for her was almost rancid, which is always nice when you’re on an island surrounded by fish. She went with tuna instead, and served it in her bento box with rice, miso soup, and picked daikon, mushrooms, and eggplant. Mike went quite a ways out of the box, and served his sous-vide-then-fried chicken with mustard gravy, an egg-yolk empanada, and, yup, pea purée. So glad that’s making a comeback. But neither dish could stand up to Richard’s beef goulash, spaetzle with sour cream, and apple strudel with tarragon cream. Finally a win we can get behind. But of course, before a loser could be determined, it was time for that pesky envelope.

Except, of course, in our living room, where our DVR froze just before Padma revealed the contents, and despite being on just a ten-minute delay, pressing live and rewinding didn’t work either. Apparently this happened to all our friends, too, but because we are such dedicated journalists we, for once, took advantage of Bravo’s immediate repeat showing and bravely fought to stay awake stayed up writing this recap and eating Trader Joe’s bagel bites to find out the special challenge, which, of course, we guessed right the first time anyway. Mike and Antonia were tasked with creating one last bite in 45 minutes, and whoever created the perfect bite would be the one to move on. So, no pressure.

Mike announced that he would take the time to be super creative and made tempura lobster over beef tartare with red chili potatoes and olive caramel. Antonia strived to create a dish she connected with and made seared grouper in coconut lobster broth with yam, apple, and dill pollen. It came down to Wolfgang Puck to break the tie between the two, which unfortunately meant that Antonia went home. She sadly interviewed that the show reminded her how much she loves cooking. Richard, you better kick Mike’s ass all the way back to Vegas next week!

Next week: finale time! The chefs must create the restaurant of their dreams! So the finale is actually Super Restaurant Wars! All the old chefs come back! Mike is in the weeds! And he quit his job for this? But the food is good!

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Filed Under: overnights, pea puree, recaps, top chef, top chef: all stars, tv

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“Let’s see what today holds,” Tiffany wondered as last night’s Top Chef began. “I’m guessing it’s cooking with not enough time and not enough equipment,” replied Richard, which, now that he points it out, really has been the theme of every single challenge for eight seasons. The Quickfire, naturally, continued in this vein. Guest judge Lorena Garcia of America’s Next Great Restaurant helped explain that the challenge would be all about synergy consistency and precision: Make 100 dishes identical in presentation and taste in one hour in two teams.

The chefs split into boys versus girls but took the same approach to cooking: Make all the components of each dish in one big batch. Yes, this is a sure-fire way to have everything taste the same, but is not exactly reflective of how restaurants maintain consistency and precision. We know, we know, we’re getting nitpicky on something ridiculous five thousand episodes in, but at least come up with more accurate challenge descriptions/not crappy challenges next time, okay, writers? Anyway, the ladies’ seared beef tenderloin with chimichuri beat out the fellas’ pork Bolognese with homemade pasta, and Mike looked like he wanted to cry, which was a win for everyone.

The celebrations were short-lived as Padma explained the elimination challenge: Cook a lunch to celebrate the Nassau Yacht Club’s 80th anniversary with a deserted-island-themed lunch, on an actual deserted island a small island off Nassau that no one has put a hotel on yet. Richard got confused and thought that the challenge would be a reenactment of Lost and wondered if he would have to catch a wild boar and kill it. But nope, the theme was conch. Sorry, Locke Richard. It was okay, though, because Richard prepped for this finale by having twenty pounds of conch in his freezer, and by growing a beard and buying the same toothbrush as us.

Obviously, Padma greeted the chefs at the boat to the island in a bikini and heels, because what else would you wear to stand on a dock? Is Top Chef losing male viewers that badly? Off on the boat to the island (the third boat ride this season, as this is apparently Top Boats, not Top Scallop), Mike went on about how he was happy they’d have everything waiting for them on the island, so of course instead of conch there was snorkeling equipment. Everyone seemed very shocked that they had to swim for the conch, even though they were clearly all told to wear bathing suits. Luckily, there were tons of conchs just naturally there and definitely not planted by interns fairly close to the beach.

Richard was pretty concerned at the “survivalist cooking” they had to do, what with all the pots, pans, fresh ingredients, and seasonings … but no liquid nitrogen, which was the biggest challenge facing both Gilligan and the Oceanic 815 survivors. The rest of the chefs had more realistic concerns, namely how on earth to get a conch out of its shell. However, no one seemed perturbed by the fact that they had to cook and serve food with swamp butt.

Many hammers, rocks, and boiling-water baths later, the chefs were ready to serve the judges, yacht club commodore, and his guests, all of whom were wearing white as apparently this Dharma station yacht club has a dress code even on other islands. Everyone did pretty well, with some small caveats. Richard’s sweet potato “linguine” with conch and spiny lobster impressed everyone, but his lobster was unevenly cooked. Antonia’s red snapper with conch tartare really delivered a good flavor punch, but her conch was cut too small. Mike’s banana-leaf-steamed grouper over braised pineapple with warm conch vinaigrette was smoky and well-cooked but slightly overwhelmed by butter; while Tiffany’s conch and coconut chowder with sweet potatoes and conch seviche had good, unexpected flavors, but was too sweet and not hot. In the end, the judges loved Mike’s unusual flavors, giving him the win and us agita, and sent Tiffany’s too sweet and cold chowder packing. The loser, at least, we’ll agree with: Tiffany was not up to par with the rest of the chefs.

And no, we are not going to discuss the commercial for Marcel’s new show, because we can’t even begin to handle that.

Next week: Finale time (hopefully?)! The judges’ last supper! Haven’t we done that before? Mike and Antonia bicker! Food tastes rancid! Padma pulls out an envelope and asks the chefs if they remember it! Are we supposed to remember it?

Read more posts by Alexandra Martell

Filed Under: overnights, recaps, top chef, top chef: all starts, tv

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Work it.

Last night’s episode of Top Chef opened with shots of the glorious beaches and colorful houses of the Bahamas — basically, a cruel kick in the face to the rest of us, as it’s probably torrentially downpouring/flooding/monsooning as you read this. The chefs had a nice reunion where we almost didn’t recognize Richard without his Pauly D hair, and Mike’s rounded-out face provided proof that he really did spend the break learning about things like pastries. However, their happy moment together was short lived, as they quickly had to head into Fort Charlotte to do battle.

No, really, it was a battle. Each chef had to cook a (boringly ordinary) mystery ingredient head-to-head with the chef who won their respective season: Michael Voltaggio and duck for Mike I., Hosea and lamb for Carla, Kevin and pork for Tiffany, and Stephanie and veal for Antonia and Richard. Oh, and the winner of each face-off got some pocket money in the form of $10,000. Hosea was happy to be there because he saw this as an opportunity to prove to “all the haters” that he did deserve to win. Considering it looked like he only beat Carla because her burners kept turning off, we’re going to keep on hatin’. Sorry, Hosea! Tiffany beat Kevin, securing her first win (seriously) of the season, and somehow Mike I. managed to beat our boy Voltaggio. The three-way Stephanie-Antonia-Richard battle had mixed winners: Stephanie’s dish beat out Antonia’s only because it was less crappy, so Richard easily took a win over Steph, despite the fact that he seems to have returned to the finale episodes without any of his confidence.

Tom and Padma then gave the chefs their elimination challenge: cook a meal for Bahamian royalty — and don’t screw it up, please. Richard’s confidence returned long enough for him to announce that he has cooked every fish within 100 miles of the Bahamas and would even chase down a goat and kill it to win, which was a nice image to have in your head if you watched this before you went to bed. Mike just got annoyed that the ladies were playing it too safe. Oh, Mike, don’t be jealous of the sisterhood.

After prep time the chefs headed to what they thought was the palace kitchen to finish cooking, but what in reality was local restaurant Twin Brothers, with the king of Junkanoo (a celebration of life and the Bahamas) and his crew dancing awesomely outside. Naturally, Mike danced with one of the scantily clad ladies before heading in to cook. Once inside, Antonia became increasingly concerned with a smoking fryer, voicing her worries that it could burst into flames at the exact moment that it did burst into flames. The timing could not have been better if it were planned. The chefs were more concerned about their food than they were about their lives, but we were mostly concerned that the restaurant’s fire alarm sounded eerily similar to the alarm in the hatch on Lost.

The fire department’s visit meant that all the food in the kitchen got contaminated with chemicals, and the chefs were all forced to start over. The hasty editing left a lot to be desired: How did they replenish all that food so quickly? How did they clean all the pots and pans so quickly? At what ungodly hour did they finally eat? Dare we say this might actually have been an episode where we’d have liked an extra fifteen minutes? All we really saw were Richard and Antonia taking advantage of the do-over to totally change their dishes.

The Junkanoo crew appeared to enjoy most of the meal (perhaps because they had to wait so long), but the judges were not so thrilled. They only really liked Richard’s roasted lamb loin and malted braised lamb leg with turnip “cannelloni,” and Mike I.’s sous vide chicken with lobster hash and lobster jus. Eric Ripert, however, did not like the turnips in Richard’s dish, and the win went to Mike I. If that clown wins this whole thing, we are going to … [insert your own "or else" here. Best one gets an EP]. As for the bottom, Tiffany’s spiced pork tenderloin with dirty rice and curried slaw wasn’t exciting enough, and Antonia’s fried shrimp with grits and pickled vegetables was dry, and oddly flavored and textured, but in the end the judges couldn’t get over the undercooked pork tenderloin Carla served Gail and sent our girl home. We kind of knew it was coming, but still. Boo hoo-ty hoo.

Next week: Bikinied Padma! Sending the chefs off to a non-deserted island! Snorkeling! Richard can’t really swim! Sharks?

Read more posts by Alexandra Martell

Filed Under: overnights, recaps, top chef, top chef: all stars, tv

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